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what if’s… and what might be

Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker?  ~Garth Nix

Well… I’ve got to say that I am a firm believer that the path does indeed choose the walker.

I started writing this entry on St. Patrick’s Day – which for our family is no longer just a day to wear green, be silly and perhaps have a green beer… although sometimes we still might do any one of these things.  St. Patrick’s Day is an anniversary for us – the day our entire world turned upside down in 2009.  It is the day that Eric suffered a stroke, at 8 years of age, which ultimately led to his diagnosis and… well, I think you all know the rest of this story.  It is, for me, perhaps the hardest of our many sad anniversaries because it brings with it all the “what-ifs” about that day… what if I had left for the hospital earlier, what if we had started seeing our new pediatrician earlier, what if Children’s Hospital had not given us an appointment 8 months out… what if, what if, what if.  Now I of course do not allow myself to drown in these questions… because I certainly know that it does no good.  But they come about each year and I suppose they always will.  However, Monday came and went uneventfully.

And Tuesday… the day that we were waiting for… came and went with no news from Ukraine.

As did Wednesday.  But  no news wasn’t necessarily bad news… right?

Well, along came Thursday and, with it… the news that we had hoped NOT to get.  This is a portion… THE portion of the email that we received from our placement person, Karen…

Hi Leslie and Bob,
I have not had any updates from Angelina until  late morning today.
The City Council in Donetsk is unwilling/afraid to make any changes to any child’s foster care status. Angelina, her husband and the foster mother have tried earnestly to do for Max what has been done for other children, but the political climate has restricted officials, and people are not going to take any unnecessary risks at this time.

So there you have it… the bottom has apparently fallen out once again.

We did speak with Karen last night and we are going to set up a phone call with Angelina in Ukraine.  We have some questions and we certainly want to be sure that we have tried everything before giving up on Max.  And there are other discussions to be had and profiles to read before we decided which path to take.

But going back to the beginning… I really do believe that the path is, indeed, choosing us!  So, who knows what might be…

more to come… I am sure

and for now… here’s a  picture from happier silly daysbunny ears cropped


4 responses »

  1. I don’t mean this to sound presumptuous, like any of us can even come close to understanding how you must feel, but your friends, and even those who have come to “know” you through those friends, really do cry for and with you. Can’t tell you the number of times I have cried about your journey through this mortal world. I do pray for you and your family and trust with my whole heart that you will continue to receive spiritual guidance.

  2. Helen DeLorenzo

    The strength of your family gives strength to those who keep up with your journey. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. Love the picture of your angelic little boys.

  3. So disappointed that this has taken this turn. I’m hoping for brighter days ahead for you and your family (and Sam and Max).

  4. Laura Remy Smith

    Leslie, we think about you often and pray that things will work out for you all. Sheridan wanted to say a special “hello” to Rachel…she misses her very much! Beautiful picture of the boys. Take care – The Smith’s in Nashville, TN.


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